sa vie . sa manière

Superficial

2012-01-07T08:54:00.001-08:00

In my 21 years in life,people had been calling me with different kinds of awful names: fat ass,monster,si gemuk. And people treat me differently from other girls.

It hurt, every single time. But I still believe that one day, there's gonna be this person come to me an tell me that I'm a great person and I'm beautiful from the inside out. I truly believe that someday, someone would do that.

For Your Information

2011-10-03T03:18:00.000-07:00

Basically, I wish you love me.
I wish that you needed me.
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, I actually meant three.
I wish that without me, your heart will break.
I wish that without me, you's be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me, you couldn't eat.
I wish that I was the last thing in your mind before you went to sleep and the first to think of when you wake up in the morning.

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebs

YOURMAN

2011-09-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Tell me that and I'll believe in you.

How much am I?

2011-09-13T07:10:00.001-07:00

Every woman deserves a man who looks at her every day like the day he first realized he was in love with her!

I know they say first love is the sweetest, but the first cut is the deepest. I miss you.

Hush, Bitches!

2011-09-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

I just don't get it how people able to talk NON-STOP during lecture. Is it that hard for you to just stop talking rubbish with your friends? If that so, just don't come to class and disturb other students!

I find it VERY ironic for people that talk so LOUD when they're just 3 feet away from each other. OMGEE, are you freaking DEAF? Can't you talk a little bit softly?!!

Mission seems to be Impossible

2011-09-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

First of all, Congratulations to HELP UNIVERSITY COLLEGE which had upgraded to HELP UNIVERSITY today! haha totally out of random.

NEXT, Congratulations to Ms Phoebe Lee because I got hired by UNIQLO!!! OMGEE!!!! There was like 5 missed calls when i checked my phone after the 4 freaking hours of lectures, and this was what happened when I reply the call... "Congratulation, you've successfully make the cut and got into shortlisted. Please attend the orientation which will be held on next weekends." I was shouting to whoever called me! HAHAHA I can't believe I'm gonna work in the JAPAN no1 fashion brand! I'm so EXCITED!!! After few hours of thinking the amount of money I could possibly make in a month, something hits me. DAMN! I've got 6 freaking subjects this semester!!! FREAK! I've got class everyday, plus working, where the hell I got time for assignments and study?! Thought of dropping biopsy, but then I gotta spend a sem just finishing it so that i could proceed to year 3, WHICH is so not going to happen. So ya, I'm still taking 6 subjects, and working at least 4 days a week in uniqlo, and write assignments and study at the same time. I almost thought this will be mission totally impossible, and I remember what Ms Tes just told us today in her group process class, "Nothing is impossible!". YES! The only thing that stands between a person and what they want in life is the will to try it and the faith to believe its possible. I'm not alone, God's with me. We will do this together!

XOXO
With HIM, everything is possible. Phebs

Tooth Fairy

2011-09-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

I sincerely wish that for once in my life, a guy who I love would come to me and say "I love you. Not because of your hair, you lips nor your eyes, but you're beautiful from the inside out.

I really hope this day will come.

How did things ended that way?

2011-08-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

My great grandfather, Bruce Lee once said "Patience has its limits, take it too far and it's cowardice."

:D Hope you know what you're doing.

Clouds make me Moody

2011-08-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

I know what it's like to want to die so badly.
I know how it hurts to force a smile.
I know how you try so bad to fit in but you can't.
I know how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside.
I know how hopeless you feel when nobody else stand by you and all they do is watch and laugh.
I know how helpless you are to just satisfy everybody's needs and expectations.
I know how tiny you felt when you screamed so loud but nobody hears you.
I know how painful it's like to work your ass of for something and as return, you got nothing.

I screwed up things very often and I'm started to think that I was born to lose. It's hard to live in a world that I could never ever fit in and giving up seems like the easiest way. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know who am I, anymore.

XOXO
I think I need to see a therapist.

Queen and King

2011-08-25T01:23:00.000-07:00

I havent been blogging since June, God knows why.

I have too much to share about the past few months, but my mind went totally blank when I start writing it here. Funny.

Exactly a year ago, I posted this on facebook...
" Broken hearted girls are like Queens in the chess game. Queen always have DEADliest moves, but she'd sacrifice herself to let her King live. "

I was reminded why did I posted that and its something have been inside of me. I guess, it'll always be a part of me.

A lot have changed since I reached Aussie, I've changed and could see that when I interact with people. I felt like I'm no more the depressed-emo-quiet Phoebe and I dont wear the "Dont-mess-with-me" fierce look. I guess its the environments and people. :D I'm glad. Love Aussie, totally! I would like to spend the rest of my life in this place after I retired. But before that, I want to stay in the states and married a Caucasian! :))

Sitting around on the grass in UQ makes me thoughts a lot about my future. Gotta admit, it's really good for me cause it motivate me to work harder in studies. Rachel and I was talking about studying in the States together. It's really exciting already when I thought of it! I have good feelings for next sem!

Fawn's leaving to UK in 20 days. She's been such a good friend and it's hard to see her leave. Our group is getting smaller and smaller. :((

XOXO
More upcoming, Phebs!

Who's the man?

2011-06-16T04:07:00.000-07:00

他，走路一年比一年慢了。他，白头发一年比一年多了。他，记性一年比一年差了。都六十岁人了，天天还要日晒雨淋的做功，为的都是我。他虽然从来没讲过他爱我，但他给我的爱和温暖从来不比别人少。他虽然很粗鲁不讲道理，但我讲的话他都听在心里。谢谢你这20年来的爱护！

His walking pace is getting slower each year. The grey hair of his, had added on each year. Little by little, he's losing his memory. He's almost 60 years old, and yet he work day and night under sun and rain, just for me. He never said that he love me, but the stuffs that he did had shown. He's always rude and dominant, but he remember every single words that I said and keep it inside of him. Thanks for taking good care of me these 20 years and loving me so much!

Happy Father's day and Happy birthday Dad! :D

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebsy

The honest compliment

2011-05-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

I hate wearing white. It keep reminding how fat I am.
I hate wearing make up. It keep reminding how ugly I am.
I hate wearing heels. It keep reminding how short I am.
I hate looking myself in the mirror. It keep reminding me how disgusting I am.

So, when people say something nice about my appearance, I often think they said it for the sake of saying it. Because it's not true, at all.

XOXO
Ugly ducking, Phebsy.

I'm awake, now.

2011-05-23T09:28:00.001-07:00

It strikes me.

Yes Dr Goh, it is heart breaking.

Thanks for the wake up calls, I'm fully awake now and I promise I know what I'm doing.

Sorry that I took it for granted.

XOXO
Heart broken, Phebsy

No, It's not okay.

2011-05-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

We're not okay. Nope, we're not.

You don't know me at all. So, please stop talking like you do.

Thank you. :)

Friends of the yesterdays

2011-05-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Its really hard, I tried hard.

I've been trying so hard to reconcile our friendship. Even though you hurt me every time we meet, I still keep it inside, smile and try to talk with you. But, you give ma no chance at all. I tried creating topics, one after another. Yet, you're not listening to me, not talking to me, not even looking at me. It's like i'm invisible. 10 years of friendship its really difficult to have it and I wanted us to be friends forever. But it seems like you don't have to will to continue in the show.

Do you know how hard it was to be misunderstood by everyone? I cried all the time because of the ways you guys treated me. You've been telling others about me, stuffs that's not true. People buy it and make that kind of stare at me every time I walked in. I was rejected by everyone! Nobody wanna to talk to me nobody cares about me! You guys chat like i'm not there!

You guys doesn't care for me, when I was sick, when my grandpa die, when I had problems with my studies....None of you care and yet, I continue smile to everyone on Sundays and concern about all your life.

Friends are not suppose to be like that.
Friends are suppose to be there when they need each other.
Friends are suppose to listen and talk to each other when one's having a rough time.
Friends are suppose to laugh and cry together no matter what happen....

I love everyone of you, but nobody give a shit of what's happening to me.

The Holidays

2011-05-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

So, how i spent my 2 precious week of sem break?

Since I don't have friends now, and no one would want to go to watch with me. I started the journey of watching movies in the cinema, alone.

I'm a fan of Donnie Yen and fighting too. :)

Fast 5 was just above awesome! definitely love it!

Red riding hood is just awesome, unexpected.

I scared myself out of this. A Singaporean made scary/comedy movie. I was the ONLY ONE in the whole cinema.

I cried twice watching this. They remake the story of our Chinese famous fairy tale with the remembrance of the past Leslie Chung. They changed the story though and I like it.

Then, I cried again watching love and other drugs.

And Rachel was right, burlesque was just, nah....

I bought dvds to watch too, miss a lot of nice movies like Just Go With It, No Strings Attached, The Tourist....

It surprised me that, I havent been talking to anyone for 4 days. Its was zombie life. I slept at day and watch movies/shows in the night.

I went jogging everyday too, since I'm way too free.

Now, one week left, I'll make sure it worth!

XOXO
Movie mania, Phebsy

The Shock News

2011-04-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

I just thought of visiting you after my Monday's paper.
Read you the news, pray with you and ask God to take away your pain.
I thought of singing you some songs, with my old guitar.
Thought of telling you jokes, to make you realize the world's still not that bad.

But then, JJ called me.

"She's gone, phoebe. 3 hours ago."

You left at the evening. Suddenly, you're gone.

I'm sorry I didnt make the arrangement earlier to visit you. I thought there's still time.

I'm so sorry.

May you rest in peace.

Your sincere,
Phebs.

It's D.O.N.E.

2011-04-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

it never occurs to me that our years of friendship could be so fragile.

I'm over you and everyone else. You're immature and so do those who choose your sides without a seconds of thinking. It's okay, I have no friends to talk to now or cry to. Its okay, I mean I still can bear with it.

What's unbearable was days before that day. That day, I was insane, crazy and psycho. Smashing everything in my room, screaming, crying out loud and yelled to my parents saying I wish both of you kill me now. It was a melt down I guess and I just couldn't bear with it. I mean, with my crazy studies, parents who's getting the D papers sign and yell at me all the time since, the bffs who blamed me for basically everything, crazy works and no one in my life that I could go to, I guess I just kinda get insane with the situations. It feels like I need to deal everything in everywhere and God's playing hide and seek with me. I hate church and the whole God crap now, I hate people who're hypocrite in church, I hate being there like an idiot, I hate friends there who treat me like trash and I just wanna leave that damn place.

Ya people, go and put the blame on me that i'm irresponsible, i'm not holy, I'm evil, I'm...whatever! I'm so over everyone there. You guys not even there for me, and who the hell are you to judge me?! I have my bad days and sometimes i might show it, but don't you? Seriously, I'm better off without ALL of you. We can still talk but it'll never be the same. I was always there for everyone of you. I've move one now, and I wont stand at the same spot waiting for you to give me a nod or a smile anymore.

It's done, I'm done.

Once again

2011-03-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

Once again, God have tested on me.
It's like i'm a Lab rat, being tested how much pain I could bear with.

Trying so hard to escaping from this cage, but God just put me back.
Yes, I have very low self-esteem and when you treat me like a trash, I really feel like one.
It's really really pain inside and no one know.
I don't feel appreciated all the time. Often, I fell people take me for granted.

I wasn't given a face or a body size that I wish. Even my personalities.
I dont like anything about myself. Even an inch.
I was born in a place that being fat and ugly is a sin.

I feel like an ogre.

The Dumbo Dumb Dumb

2011-03-08T11:41:00.000-08:00

From now on, it's literally me against the world. There will be only less than 4 hours of sleep per day. I have to get back what I lost.

I'm in great depression. You know the feeling that you thought you was doing good all this while but then one day it just strike you and your world fall apart. Yes. That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm at the bottom of everything! As a punishment or i shall say-preparation for the next war, I'll be studying and doing notes for every single day! YES, EVERY FREAKING SINGLE DAY!

Then plan is each day, I'll study/do notes from 11pm-1am, sleep for 3 hours, wake up and study again until 6.30am when I need to clean up and go Uni!

I started the plan today. Its 4am now. I was studying and doing the notes for biopsy and it took me nearly 4 hours to finish it. Tomorrow will revise advanced method. I know it's not good for my health and blah blah blah. But then, health and grades... do I still have to choose? I'll do WHATEVER it takes to get the grades I want!

XOXO
I'm not kidding, Phebsy

Running out of Time

2011-03-04T01:27:00.000-08:00

It's March, 4 months left.

I'm running out of time to make my silly wish come true.

Gotta give it a try no matter what! I'll work out more!

XOXO
desperate student, Phebsy

Just for you, Babe!

2011-02-19T07:55:00.000-08:00

Ker yi had her 21st full of surprises! Hahaha I've been planning it for 2 weeks for the gifts, people and places. Its wasn't a big whoo-haa but simple and nice.

On her birthday itself, I made her believe that we have tutorials and from HELP I abducted her and blind-folded her. Then sally drove us to Levain which I predict would be a heaven for her since she LOVES bread. We had a fun time there, just 3 of us. That was the 1st surprise.

Then, we brought her to Pavillion for shopping. We asked her to go order in Snowflake and we went to buy cupcakes for her, as her 21st birthday cake. That was the 2nd surprise.

After a while, 2 of her high school friends showed up - Eng hoe and Wei Junn. =) Of course, it was part of the plan. That was the 3rd surprise! There were suppose to have the 4th surprise, which was her gift. But it got some problem in delivering so yea, gotta hold till next week! Anyhoos~ Glad that She happy! >3
______________________________________________

On Thursday, we had another celebration for her. We went Souled Out for dinner. There's Ker Yi, Me, Ging, Zhi Sung and Ker Chi. Its a really nice place! Good service, delicious food, reasonable price, and wonderful surrounding!

Afterward, the night was still early. We went Delicious in Bangsar to have dessert since we couldn't choose one from Souled Out. Nothing worth the price. We stay till 11pm and left the mall. Meet up the rest at Mist. OMG, It's dead in either Mist and Milk. There's just one freaking table! We headed to Zouk, which was the original plan.

Happy birthday Sweetheart! >3

XOXO
Double up the workout! Phebsy

我,今年二十七八岁

2011-02-16T02:33:00.000-08:00

我今年二十七八岁，
每天起床的时间从中午12点变成早上7点，睡觉的时间从凌晨2点变成了晚上11点；

我今年二十七八岁，
开始工作，开始接触形形色色的人；

我今年二十七八岁，
下班路过学校，看见学校放学，我们会怀念我们上学的时候；

我今年二十七八岁，
见到亲戚朋友，他们不再问你考试考了几分，更多的是问现在一个月工资多少；

我今年二十七八岁，
聊天的话题，从各种网络游戏变成汽车、房子，吃饭的时候讨论的往往是他准备结婚，她哪年结婚；

我今年二十七八岁，
每天不再感叹学校有多少作业做不完，开始感叹油价、房价涨的有多快；

我今年二十七八岁，
不再乱买东西，月底开始算计这个月还了信用卡，还了房贷，还剩下多少钱；

我今年二十七八岁，
渐渐地讨厌酒吧、KTV，喜欢亲近自然，喜欢健康的生活方式；

我今年二十七八岁，
常常会很挂念学校的朋友们，但是在QQ群里永远是隐身；

我今年二十七八岁，
我们开始追逐梦想，不会再轻易流泪，不会再为了一点挫折而放弃；

我今年二十七八岁，
没有了年少的轻狂，把遇到的挫折困难都当成一种人生的阅历，试着去包容，试着去忍耐；

我今年二十七八岁，
回想起曾经，我们做过了太多的错事，走了太多的弯路，我们总在后悔，可是我们回不去了，回去不那个曾经纯真的年代了。当我们被社会上无形的压力压的喘不过气的时候，我们渴望每天下班了能有个人一起吃饭，一起看电影，我们需要一个人来为我们分担些东西。我们在一条伟大的航路上，我们需要有人为我们鼓劲，也许我们偶尔累到会想放弃，可是当我们想到身边还有让我们牵挂的人，深吸一口气，继续向前走，我相信总有一个能够停靠的彼岸。

今年我二十七八岁，，，
孤单时我没有去网吧
我们用手机隐身上QQ 看看谁在线呢看见熟悉的人想说点什么究竟又什么也没说，就这样纠结着...我把空间刷新了一遍又一遍看看谁更新心情了，谁更新日志了回复了符号却没有回复句子。。。
我今年二十七八岁，
烦恼的时候不再发牢骚··· 我静静的静静的看着听着这很现实又很虚伪的世界，，，
我今年二十七八岁，
明明很想哭，却还在笑。

明明很在乎，却装作无所谓。

明明很想留下，却坚定的说要离开。

明明很痛苦，却偏偏说自己很幸福。

明明忘不掉，却说已经忘了。

明明放不下，却说他是他，我是我。

明明舍不得，却说我已经受够了。

明明说的是违心的假话，却说那是自己的真心话。

明明眼泪都快溢出眼眶，却高昂着头。

明明已经无法挽回，却依旧执着。

明明知道自己很受伤，却说你不必觉得欠我的。

明明这样伪装着很累，却还得依旧……
为的只是隐藏起自己的脆弱，即使很难过，也会装的无所谓，只是不愿别人看见自己的伤口，不想让自己周围的人但心，不想让别人同情自己，只想在心底独自承受，虽然心疼的难以呼吸，却笑着告诉所有人“我没事的！”然后静下来时，自己便笑话自己，何必把自己伪装的那么坚强?好像自己可以承受所有的苦难… 呵呵，这好累…好累………

--------------------------------------------------------
This is an article I saw online. It's meaning and I cried after reading it. :(

I have Me

2011-01-30T08:12:00.001-08:00

Without any clues what's happening right now, I'm in total lost.

Actually, I think i can get it by pieces that I collected. My family is in crisis now and they try to not let me know. My bffs are avoiding with God-know-why reasons and I'm in a lot of stress of the research papers. I do really need to talk to them about the whole family drama, but then, they're showing me this attitude as if I did something terrible. And you know the funny part? When I confronted to them and ask "hey, is there something going on between us? Did I did something that you ain't happy about it?", and guess what I got? They claimed that there isn't any different if I know the truth and asked me stop forcing them cause they are feeling upset now and need time to clear off. I was like WTH?! I don't even know what's the problem?! Don't you think I deserve to know the truth?! At least I know what I did was right or wrong. So now, basically I'm the public enemy. It's miserable cause when I need friends the most, they choose to hurt me and leave me alone. We were like triple all this while and out of the sudden I was kicked out and you guys went shopping, movies, dinner without me. YET, I'm like an idiot, smiling, pretend nothing happened and keep friends with you all. I don't understand. If your definition of best friend means hurting me like that, how about others? Why only me? It's been always me. YES, again it's my fault! Everything is my fault.

I'm alone. My family's gone. bff's gone. I have no one to go to.
I'm all by myself now, without anyone.
It's cool, I still have me.

I know I shouldn't, but when I looked out from the window, I feel freedom.
I know it's not right. But what's right? Everything's so crazy around, I just can't take it any longer.
My heart's hurt, it's in a lot of pain. SO?! Who knows and who cares?!
Every single day, like a clown I drew a big smile on my face, put on the colorful costume and I walk out that door.
And when I come back, the pain never gone less.
It's always about others others others... how about me?
People come to me and I helped them. When I have problems, no one even ask about it. Who do I go to? I have no one, not even my bffs. I have no one but myself.

Exhausted

2011-01-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

I'm freaking tired.

Tired of doing others jobs for them, of pleasing others, of faking that damn smile, of trying to fit in so badly, of keeping everything inside, of agreeing what everybody says, of doing what others told.

It's just so damn hard. I'm exhausted, give me a break will ya?! I'm done being a puppet and letting others control how I feel, how I live my life!

I just wanna run away, far away from here! Cant wait to leave this place and start a new life of my own. But when reality strike, things just the same again. It's aint that easy to get rid of these.

After a long day of works and studies, what i need was some relax time with best friends. Instead of laughing together like fools, you ignore me totally. And I have done nothing wrong! So what's your problem?! YES! It so happen that everything's my fault! I'm always the one to blame for! Yes right! Shoot me then! Just freaking pull the trigger and shoot me!

Slumber Party

2011-01-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

Catherine come over yesterday. We laugh together while having pillow fights. We had a break down and cried. We sleep eventually midnight WHILE talking half way.

Its good to have you, sister. >3

XOXO
you know I can't live without you, Phebsy

This is me

2011-01-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

Realize this recently, I can't communicate with others.

It feels like I'm so NOT in the group, that I can't fit in anywhere. People dont particularly like me, for I don't really respond when people talk to me, they think I'm arrogant or being cold. And I look like I'm mad to the whole world when I don't smile.

But the fact is I just don't know how to communicate with people. I can't respond well. I don't really know how to open or continue in the conversation. And I guess I have this face problem that I look upset when actually I'm just having my normal face.

People had been telling me and I know all this while. To Smile. I'm trying my best but it's just so hard. Because its not me. When I was young, something bad happened and I didn't smile or laugh for a year plus. People tend to put the blame on me saying why ain't you smiling but they're totally clueless about my past. You might think why is it so hard to just smile. Trust me, it's hard for me. Sometimes, you could almost see that I faked it.

I got better in recent years. Decided that I gotta change in order to fit in. But now, I found that the whole smiling is not the only reason the people don't come to talk to me. AGAIN, it's because of I'm ugly and fat. Please don't tell me that I'm being paranoid cause I'm not. I got this all the time and no one gets it. Friends around me are prettier than me, and people tend to just talk to them, look at them. I'm like invisible. I feel alone and I feel hurt.

"It's okay. God love you" I told myself.

I have aims for 2011. There's 2 of them and I wish that by the end of december 2011, I'll have no regrets.

Back from Jail

2011-01-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

I always love her, even when she went through a tough time and got into some difficulties. Welcome back, Lindsay. >3

Call me the 2nd year now, I'm proud. All i could say is time flies and it feels like it was just yesterday when we had our freshman lunch. This year, I felt that I'm a grown up and have more responsibilities on me. I'm an adult now and have a future to work on.

Honey moon is ending real SOON. This sem, we're having psy 208 Biopsychology by Dr. Hera **shouting like a crazy fans** haha, psy 221 Developmental Psychology by Teresita Gutlerrez **silence...** I have no idea who's that, and psy 201 Advanced Research Method by Miss Winnie **Ehem ehem...** you know what i mean. These is our core and for the elective would be....

...The pictures told you most of it, about what we're taking for the elective.

Its psy 218 Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect by Mr Alex Lui. It's gonna be one of my favorite in the list. Child abuse had always been my...concern subjects. 1st year results weren't that satisfy, so my aim for this year would be - I really really need to put in more efforts. =)

XOXO
You know I can make it, Phebsy

I'll miss 2010

2010-12-31T09:06:00.000-08:00

I was too naive to think that bubble can makes me happy when things like these happen to me on the last day of 2010. I'm lost and have no idea what should i do with my best friends and my family.

wondering around desa park cit for few hours. It was pointless. Everyone was so joyful and can't wait for the countdown, and there I was. Standing in the middle like no body. The fireworks was really really beautiful, guess they spent hundreds millions in it? I cried while people cheering for fireworks and for the new year. I was looking at the fireworks and cried in the middle of millions people. I was talking to God, why are these happening to me? on this day? can't it wait till next week?? I got nothing from the God but just fireworks and noises.

Went to 7-eleven to grab something. I need to drunk myself. I need a shoulder, need someone to talk to, need love, need someone to make me laugh, need someone to tell me that- Its okay to cry it out loud....

XOXO
Not a so-good- starting for 2011 :(

She's happy! =)

2010-12-23T18:04:00.000-08:00

On the actual date of my birthday:
We went Tao's in Sunway Giza for dinner.

Mr Reddy from Rachel and Adam!

Who was there?
Ker chi, Sally, Me, Pheoric, Faiz, Fawn, Adri, Rachel, Adam and Ker yi!

Thank you so much everyone! =)

Days before the actual date of my birthday:
Couples of the bffs showed up in my house and gave me a surprise!

Love the surprise! Love the cake! Love the presents! Love you all!

A meet with Pei fang at 1u for Rapunzel and lunch!

Makan @ New york New york. Yum yum.

Its coming to the end of the 2010. This year, I joined psy and just finished my 1st year. This year, I went Genting for the 1st time. This year, I broke up with a man that I'm still in love with. This year, learned through ups and downs. This year, I have an aim for next year. This year, I gotta pick up the burdens and be independent with my own life. This year is coming to an end, so don't let the shadows of yesterday spoil the sunshine of tomorrow! Live as if thats all you have and you'll appreciate life and enjoy with full of it.

XOXO
I'll miss you 2010, Phebsy

This is all about Him

2010-12-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

Merry Merry people! Christmas is around the corner. Apparently, this is the most busiest week and most expensive week of the year! I'm officially BROKED! ==""" Been going out everyday to hunt for presents and having dates all the time. My tight schedule is full with appointments. Anyway, I've prepared all the presents I needed for my friends and family, have you? Dont forget its a season of sharing and loves! Don't be shy, and go spread it out! Candy cane counts too!

Its also "Tong Zi" tomorrow! Meaning i gotta eat "Tong Yuan" (Gluntinous rice dumpling)! I was making tong yuan just now, from mixing flour and flavors to stuffing brown sugar in it. and to be honest, I actually like this! Tong yuan have always been my favorite dessert of all. Don't you just love it when you see that bowl of colorful gluntinous rice dumpling?! Its irresistible! =) hahahha

XOXO Merry merry, Phebsy

Appreciate II

2010-12-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

Continue...

To: Ker Yi
Thanks so much for the present! I definitely love it! Muacks love you!

To: CK
Thanks for the gift from Singapore, thought you're still holding it for no reason?! ==

To: Jane
Thanks for going shopping with me, and that dress! I like it! =)

To: Keat, JG, Momo, Lai ping, Chun lin...
Thanks for celebrating my birthday at Chili's! Though it almost killed me ( we ordered too much).

To: God
Thanks for giving me such a wonderful and meaningful birthday! I enjoyed very much! And thanks for giving me life and chance to live in this world.

XOXO
I know you love me, Phebsy

An Email to God

2010-12-14T10:19:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

Please tell me what to do, how to be. I'm lost. I thought I have done my best for the youth. I'm in pain, please take away this miserable.

I just dont understand why!!!!
Why 'he' can just left his shit there and I need to clean it up at the end?!
Why 'he' can just walk away from everything like that?!
Why 'he' dont trust me and refuse to pass the key to me?!!!
... ... ...

I just dont get it?!!! and yet i'm pissed! Please water me, God.

Sincerely,
Your very upset daughter, Phebsy

Appreciate

2010-12-07T08:52:00.001-08:00

Definitely Best birthday EVER!

Thanks to everyone who make my day! =)

To: Ker yi, Ker chi, Ging, Fawn, Rachel, Adri, Faiz, Adam, Pheoric, Junn
Thanks for coming to the dinner, for the present, birthday card and cheese cake! Thanks for everything, I really appreciate it a lot!

To: pei fang
Thanks for the present, lunch,movie and teman-ing me the whole day! =)

To: Bffs - Evon, Catherine and Cai yun
Thanks for the surprise party, the choc cheese cake ( i t was yummy btw), the present and everything! =)

To: Rubin, JJ, David, Steven
Thanks for the presents! =) love it.

To : You
Thanks for the cake, present and the hugs. thank you, love you. =)

To : Mummy
Thanks for giving a life, for raising me, for suffering for me, for everything! thank you mummy! love you, as always.

To: Daddy
Thanks for the seafood dinner. For others, you're not sentimental, not gentleman at all, not police, rough, fierce, bad temper and all. For me, you're my dad; you're best dad ever.

To : everyone who wished me through fb/sms/email in person
Thanks, you lighted up my day!

This is not the end. =D

XOXO
To Be Continue...

That's effort

2010-11-30T05:39:00.001-08:00

I ran slower than others, but its okay.
Like others, I finished my loops just that I need more time to ran.
Unlike others, I enjoy the journey by observing the surroundings and the people.
Unlike others, I jog with a smile on my face.

Been jogging for about 2 months.
I started with heartache, and breathless after running for few loops.
Now, I can jog for 5 loops, non-stop with no heartache and I do normal breathe.

Raise your cup, for my determination and my journey of losing 20 kgs!

XOXO
you know I can make it there, Phebsy

The feeling of getting stuck

2010-11-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

Can I have a birthday cake this year, Please please please???

I'm fully booked (almost) for dec, the month of the year that I could celebrate like no body's business! My birthday is just around the corner and I have tons of dates with tons of people! Hahaha starting from this wed - Lunch @ Daorae! One of my favorite korean restaurant! My Bffs have no plans for me yet. However, I smell something fishy going on. Hopefully, its a surprise party!!! hahaha I'm in hallucination! I love my birthday! the month of the year I get to wish for anything I like, almost! hahha I love to look at a table of presents that friends gave with wishes! Stay tune for more info of my coming birthday parties!
A girl who just can't wait for her candy cane

XOXO You know you love me, Phebsy

2010-11-18T02:42:00.000-08:00

I just want everyone to have a good Christmas. What wrongs had I did to get myself into this mess?

It was numb, till I pulled the trigger. I smell something. I sense something moving downwards from the head. I feel the world's spinning and I allow myself spin by the world.

One said : Its hard to make everyone happy; You cant make everyone like you.

Guess this saying is quiet true.

I dont understand, what's so hard about it?
I dont understand, why you don't get it?
I dont understand, how can you make it look like I cause all these dramatic events.
I dont understand, I just want to make everyone happy. Christmas is a season of sharing, isn't it? How it ended up like that?

I dont understand.

All the arrows are pointed at me, all the blame. Was I wrong? Cause it looks like I did something I shouldn't be.

I'm lost.

Can't Wait For it!

2010-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

Heart every bits of it!

XOXO
You know you love me!

Dont stop me

2010-11-11T07:37:00.000-08:00

Mom, You really need to start believing your only daughter and stop judging her every single move.

I'm not kids anymore. I get it! You just too love me and over protective, but mum you have to let go at some certain time right? Just start letting go now.

That's my dream and if it takes what ever it need to become real, I'll do it - with or without your support. I'm hurt because you're not with me doing what I like, indeed you're opposing. But I'll still move on and one day you'll see why I hang on.

XOXO
Dream, Phebsy

Hero

2010-10-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

There's a Hero inside of me, I believe it so.

Fruitarian for breakfast.

Vegetarian for dinners.

Yoga for Mondays.

Jogging for Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays.

Time will show that my efforts worth.

XOXO
Run Phoebe Run.

Dont say

2010-10-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

Apologies mean nothing when the damage is done. So, forget about saying sorry, because I'll remember these hurts for the rest of my life. If you're asking am I capable of that, I am! I already did for the past 20 years!

Feeling Good!

2010-10-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

It's been almost 2 weeks and I already feel good.

I'm gonna continue this until I look smoky hot. Yes, I did said smoky hot.

You might be laughing and say OMG is this fatty hearing herself?

I know what I'm doing, and its gonna work this time, I'm sure of it.

For those guys that never lay their eyes on me before, screw you all! You're gonna so damn regret. I'm serious!

XOXO
She's gonna make it, Phebs

Guess What???

2010-10-09T09:06:00.000-07:00

YES! I'm on diet.

Because of you. Because of what you said to me.

I've made up my mind, losing weights!

Target = bye bye to 15kgs!

Wish me Luck!

XOXO
Dont try to seduce me, Phebsy

When memories flashback, I cried

2010-10-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

I thought I wasn't miserable anymore.

I though I had let go and move on.

I thought I was okay all these while ... obviously not.

It feels like you were just standing in front of me, and I was talking to you through the lyrics.

I kept asking God why, but He have not answered my prayer yet.

All I'm asking for is letting go what I used to hold so tightly and mistaken that was my whole life.

Hatred

2010-10-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Today JJ asked : Who you hate the most in this world? Why? And what could they do to ask for forgiveness?

Who: I hate those who had despite me, insulted me, shamed me with harsh words.

Why: They gave me names, make fun of me with no limits, poured water on me, locked me in the toilet, wronged me with things that I did not do, spread rumors of me... They almost killed me, not one time, two times but several times.

Forgiving them or Not: I will never ever forget what these people had done to me. I may forgot their names, but not their faces and the things they did. I'll remember them till the day I die. I'll curse them till I step my feet into the coffin. The kind of damage they caused could never repay in any forms, even they die.

XOXO
God must have hate me, Phebs

The unsual Saturday

2010-10-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today might just be my favorite working Saturday.

Today might just be the only day that many had praise me.

Today might just be the day we talked the most and laugh at each other stares.

Today was the day that a hot dude asked for my contacts and spent me a drink after work.

Out of sudden, I feel good again. =)

Addiction

2010-09-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have this urge... this urger to drink when i'm upset.

Nobody have really realize anything, yet.
Mom's busy, as usual. Dad's ignoring, as usual.
Bffs are too native and thinks i'm still the kid they first met in primary school.
Others ... guess it never came up to them.

I'm depress all the time and cant seem to find anyone to talk to.
Everyone is busy with boyfriends, schools, works...

It started since the broke up. I'm not blaming him, but it just seems that nothing could stop the pain until I found this. This one thing that could make me forget about things, that could make me relief, that could make me sleep without wetting my pillow. Even though it'll only last for a while, but better than I did nothing and just sitting there alone and feels ... numb.

People don't understand, they just don't. I used to tell them my problems, but not anymore. Because they don't listen, they think its just a small matter. Since then, I stop telling, sharing.
I used to believe therapist could help, with the depression and all. So I went to see one. It gone better at first but it went worse after a while.

Now, I just couldn't seems to stop. It's the only way out.

Laugh

2010-09-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA....

People tend to laugh at jokes, at people, and at jokes on people.

People like to make fun of me,my size particular. Sometimes, I sucked it up and put on a fake smile and continue to talk with them so that they know I'm OK with it. The other times, I would just force myself to smile and be silence. BUT it was never okay, never will be.

I know this is human nature. But don't you expect me to ignore it because I cant. Because it hurt, badly inside. People just don't get it, "What the big deal?! it was just a joke!". It's not joke anymore when it comes to personal attack.

Don't expect me to get use to these because I'll never will. All these years, it was never easy to pretend like I'm okay.

Life

2010-09-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

A mother watching her child running around in the park with the other kids. Paying attention and never leave a sight from him. Scaring her little kid might fall and bully by others. That's her life.

A hawker waking up at 3 am to prepare foods and open his stall at 6am. Never stop cooking, packaging, serving and keeping money till afternoon. Closing stalls and rush to get materials for tomorrow's. That's his life.

A little boy being woke up by his mum in the morning 5.30am, reluctantly. Getting ready to go to school, with his eyes close. Playing around with his buddies during lunch. Buying his favorite nuggets for lunch. Watching power rangers after school. That's his life.

I have a life, like everyone else.
From what you seen, I'm laughing like a happy go lucky girl with no worries.
And people often believe what they see on the outside.

Smile

2010-08-26T01:15:00.000-07:00

Your smile.

I had so much fun in the kitchen today.

We made tiramisu, creme brulee and panna cotta. Er... more like he did the baking and I messed around. haha. But it's really fun. Just both of us. He was so patient while teaching me, explaining me about the recipes and what's what. And that smile of him when I messed up, made me feeling as if I'm in heaven.

That Smile of yours, could have me stay up whole night thinking of it and smiling like an idiot on my bed.

That smile of yours... I like it.

XOXO
Getting started, Phebsy

Crashing Rachel's and kidnapping Chelsea

2010-08-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

Guess i'm the only that woke EARLY in the morning and go shopping. hahah

Woke up at 9am, change and prepare, straight away go 1u (without breakfast or a drop of water) because when i woke up this morning, I just know that this have to be the day (so crazy about shopping kan). Within an hour, I bought 2 jeans and a browse from Voir, a pair of sandals and a pair of flats from cotton on, and a party dress from Kitchen. And guess how much all these cost? LESS THAN 150$!!!! Told you its mega sales! hahahaha

Wanted to withdraw money but atm card was deactivated, so when back to RHB branch at HELP. OMGGG took me almost an hour to settle the card stuff!!! Meet with fawn, adam, pheoric, junn and adri and we went to rachel's house.

Ding Dong! Rachel we're crashing your house!!!! hahahhaa

APPARENTLY, she just woke up when Adam called. WHat???? hahaha

Meet ker yi, faiz and justin afterwards.

I had my 1st banana leaf rice today! Awesome! but a bit too much. I HATE bitter grout but the indian fried bitter grout was just nice. I ended up finishing mine, pheoric's and rachel's bitter grout! hahaha

Hang out at Empire then. Nothing much.

Then ker yi and I went shopping at 1u. We go in almost all the shops that have sales! Ker yi bought a nice bargain from Zara! Its super! And I got myself another outfit from Kitchen! =)
we went tesco to get some stuffs and back to Ikea to have our dinner around 10pm. Wanna shop Ikea but almost all the shops are closed. =(

What a happy happy day! :D

XOXO
you know you love me, Phebsy

Untitled

2010-08-12T02:03:00.000-07:00

I never say this. But now I do.

FUCK you.

You pissed me off, you wouldnt be so lucky next time.

Watch out, Adel! I'm not always on my good side. I can be as evil as ten times you never could have thought of. Do it ONE more time, and your life will be over.

It's Tough

2010-08-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

No one know how hard is it. No one bothers to find out.

I struggled holding my tears in, sucking all the pain and forcing myself to smile while serving the foods. My voice was shaking and my eyes were overwhelm with tears to be release out. I can take the busy and crazy work loads. I didnt cry because of the work loads, but because I was blamed for things that I didnt do, for things that I didnt do wrong and for things that others did but the blame were put on me. And I was scolded for being ... Well, it doesnt matter now. I tried explaining, but it's useless.

I cried painfully while driving back home after work, didnt even bother to stay for another minutes there. I yelled while banging my head to the car's window which I cracked it.

I was being wronged and contempt and I cant find anyone to talk to. I feel pathetic.

Bonding Time

2010-08-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

I've got my day off today from work, finally.

I woke up early instead sleeping till late noon and have breakfast with mom. We spent 2 hours talking about future and stuffs.

I meet with birdy and kher ye for lunch at Mizi shabu shabu. We shared what happened in our life recently.

I went shopping with kher ye and lotsa laughter and memories came in.

I spent the evening at desa park, walking alone with coffee and just let myself enjoy the grass, the air, the people and everything. It was such a peaceful place, a peaceful moment.

I lay on the swing and just allowed the sun to shines on me. For the first time, I was so enjoy with Mr. Sun. :)

I have a really nice day. I lived as Phoebe Lee today.

He's the one

2010-08-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm glad that I stayed back today.

I'm glad that you smiled to me numerous times.

I'm glad that our eyes meet each other.

I'm glad that we talked, like serious talk.

I'm glad that we jokes and laughed together.

I'm glad that we have so many things in common.

There were these moments when we both look at each other for quiet while, and we smiled
, with no talks. As if we already knew what the other're thinking.

There's just a moment, I have this thought coming into my mind that you're just the perfect one for me, the one that God has sent to me, to love me and protect me.

It just seems so right, and I truly hope it works this time.

Full house, Again

2010-07-31T09:12:00.001-07:00

It's another night where the Silver Spoon Trattoria is full house. When I mean Full house, I mean approximately 150++ people. the place can fit up 200 customers at a time. Poor me have to running around from tables to tables serving foods, filling waters, clearing plates from 6pm till midnight, NONSTOP. You have no idea how dizzy I was. There were some times I felt like fainting, I dont feel my legs anymore and my hands keep shaking. AND I dont get to drink or rest not that I cant but just there's NO TIME TO STOP. Did i mentioned NONSTOP???! AND did I mentioned how demanding some customer can be?! AND how those Datos and Datins act like they're the king and queens?!AND some others just simply treat us like dog! OMG memang tak boleh tahan!!!!

Anyway, looking at the other side of these, it simply means the foods are nice. Hope my they raise my pay due to my hard hard hard work. I like to serve caucasion, because they gave BIG tips and they're friendly! Unlike those desa park rich dudes!!!

If anyone wanna visit the place, just google the name. Oh, Please remember to reserve a table before you come IF you dont want to end up waiting in a long queeue. =)

The Owner and the Chef?

Chef Ken.

Their foods?

They serve great Italian foods.

Signature dishes?

Too many.

The must-have-dish?

Pizzas, Tiramisu, Chocolate pots, Feta Foccacia/Boccacino.... Everything is all HOME-MADE.

The price?

About $50 per person if you only order main course (except steak). About 100 per person for starter, maincourse, dessert and drinks. About that la, but as I said, depend on what you order la.

The place?

Silver Spoon Trattoria

1st Floor, Wisma Manjalara,

Bandar Menjalara,

52200, Kuala Lumpur

For reservation?

Tel: 03-6277 0445

XOXO,

cant feel her legs and hands, Phebsy

Prince Charming

2010-07-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

Its every girl's dream, to get their prince charming.

It's hard to meet the prince charming in our life. ESP a guy who's good looking, have this charming smile that could kill all the girls on earth (haha), can cook almost eveything you can think of, that dont drink and smoke, that care about you and your fat guinea pig, can tell a lame jokes which make you laugh your ass off when you're stress, and say nothing but hold you tight when you're crying.

It's truely hard to get one like this. Oh! and did I mention he's a Christian too?!

I'm glad I found you, baby!

XOXO
The lucky-ugly duck, Phebsy

I'll Miss Lohan

2010-07-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

I always loved her, and I'll still be loving her.

You'll get through the 90 days dear, I'm sure you will.

XOXO

Still Loving Lohan no matter what she did, Phesy

Vampires

2010-07-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

I've been watching True Blood and Vampire Diaries since my last paper over.

There were few nights, I kept dreaming of vampires sucking my blood; Me turning into vampires; I got killed by vamp hunters... and what freaks me out was when I sucked others blood. My firends' blood. I was cruel in my dreams, all I wanted was BLOOD.

Sometimes, I felt like how good it could be if i'm a vampire. Being super-strength, being super-speed, being able not to get hurt, being able to hear what others say out loud or in their minds... I'm like capable for almost everything! OH! How i wish I'm a vamp.

XOXO,
You know I'm just crapping, Phebsy

Be Fair to me

2010-07-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just JERKS!

I was being nice, after what you've did to me. I forgive upon those hurts you made to me, and I suggested to celebrate your birthday. You rejected me but saying yes to her when she come up with the same idea that I did?!!

WTH?! Seriously, GO TO HELL!

Sometimes, I really really dont understand. Do face really matters that much?! Of all the things you've done, others did were related to my face and body size. Of all these years, people dicriminate me. So fat people dont deserve to be appreciate? Does it always have to be so cruel to me? Why am I the one? Why me? Answer me, WHY ME???

I was told the world wasnt fair. But I deserve more than these.

Sometimes, it just doesnt make sense. Of all the photos you uploaded, none of them have me in it. Its all the rest of the girls. Define beauty to me. Says who beuty have to be sexy, angelic face, the S body? Define sexy. How sexy is sexy? "How you do measure sexy? and says who size S is slim and Size XL is fat?! What's fat? More than 40kg? more than 50kg?!

I was told the world is bias. But I just want everyone to be fair to me.

Tell me how am I suppose to feel. TELL ME.
Be calm? Chill?!
If you've been treated like a monster for 20 years, try to be calm.

The world tell me that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm not slim enough.
The world tell me that people love you for who you are, inside of you.

I'm telling the world, SHUT UP.
just shut your damn mouth! I had enough.

Rachel Hard the Rock!

2010-07-03T00:37:00.001-07:00

A day after Pheoric's birthday, Its Rachel's turn!
She was supposed to have 4 surprises in different places - Her house, Tropicana Mall, Decante and at last Hard Rock Cafe. But then, bocoh. Anyways, Pictures!!! We had so much FUN! WEEeeEEE!

We booked our tables at the middle, in front of the stage.

OhLALAAA~Fawn!

The birthday girl got the kiss! Muacks!

I love this picture SO MUCH! Pose LADIES!

Welcome to the club, RACHEL! It look exactly like the picture that I draw in your hp for you, right?! haha

Have no idea what happened, but they took 15 shots or more to just have a normal photo. haha

Look! I smile!

GIMME THE MONEY!

Faiz and mia. He was complaining the whole time because I made him chose Lamb over mac cheese. And at the end, he wasnt satisfy. =="" Its for your own good ok Faiz! haha

The Funny Ones

Adam, Faiz, Junn, Me, Pheoric, Rachel, Adri and Nikky.

Adam, Me and Faiz

Adam and Mia.

Mia, Junn and Fawn

Adam, Rachel, Pheoric.

The birthday girl sure happy!

Fanw feeding Rachel her birthday cake!

Cosmopolitan that I ordered. Adam had a try. It wasnt that nice. I dont like it.

Bloob Bloob!

Mia and Hang tuah ni.

The RING RING people!

Yum Yum! Foods' here! Hickory-Smoked Bar-B-Que Combo!

Dinner Time! So hungry!

Fawn: Merci! Its all about the souce, the sauce, the sauce! MaMaMia! aghahaha

The Rabbit Cheese!

That's all for this month's birthday surprises!

XOXO

You know you love me, Phebsy

Birthday Surprise for Pheoric

2010-07-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Last thursday - Pheoric's birthday!
Celebration @ Chilli's, 1U.

Ker yi too excited!

turning 19th!

Girls!

Junn, Ker yi, Rachel and Mia!

XOXO,

Stay tune, Phebsy

WA.SA.BI.!!!!

2010-07-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

It was a very busy day for me today. Finished class at 9 something, hang out with gang at Subway. Then meeting with tutor, Suzzane. After that, straightly go for futsal. We played about 2 and a half hours! So tiring! Then I bath at that place and rushed to fetch Lai ping to go 1U together. Meet the rest in Sushi Zanmai. We had A LOT of sushi!!! A LOT!!!

Keat : Dont mess with my food! Go away!

John : Cheh! Saya pun ada!

You have no idea how many plates of these we had. Of course its all different types one la.

Lai ping's tiny eyes and Mia.

Me and Jeng guan. Thanks for the treat!

Momo!

Keat busying with keng hui's new phone with 12 megapixels! ==

Keng hui and Kevin

Appetizer : Sashimi salad! Trust me, it's very very nice!

Baked tuna smth smth... Its nice too.

For more picture, visit my facebook la. so lazy to upload the same pictures over again.

So glad I've them. Best friends after so many years! We never failed to make each other cry, laugh and touchy! Love you all! I hope we can all grow old sticking just like that!

Once again, THANKS Jeng guan for the Sushi! Muacks!

XOXO

You know you love me, Phebsy

Surprise!

2010-06-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHEORIC! hahaha

This morning I had mass com presentation! So funny! Wan hong said I was cute. ==" Well, I take that as a compliment. At least people laugh during my presentation lo. SoI think it was pretty good la. Glad that its over.

We planned to gave Pheoric a surprise in class. So at the end of the class, I stepped out and announce to everyone "Hey guys! Today's our little friend, Pheoric's birthday! let's sing him a song shall we?" and Fawn come with his with favourite Secret Recipe Marble cheese and American Cheese! Lucky him!

We went 1u after class. Had lunch @ Chilli's. STILL SO FULL! I pakat with the manager there and we surprise him with another birthday cake sponsored by Chilli's! haha Hope he feel touch la, though he claim he dont feel anything. ==""

I shouldnt be spending ANY money in shopping in this 2 weeks. But I did! Thats why I left with ker yi and Pheoric while the girls continue shopping. No no no no, I must control myself! hmmm...

I definitely spending A LOT in foods! "You ar, like spoiled kid! always want to eat good food!" My mum was probably right. haha Dont know, I dont really care how much a meal cost me, as long as its delicious! I will have second thought while shopping, but not in food! =)

Will be having lunch at Shushi Zanmai with high schools besties tomorrow!
And attend a SPECIAL dinner with some SPECIAL friends in a SPECIAL place!
Cant wait for tomorrow, it's gonna be a GOOD GOOD day!

XOXO,
You know you love me, Phebsy

Before its too late

2010-06-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

Just Stop it!

I’m so sick! I got my fever back! I hate being sick because I can got very frustrated. And I got very annoyed and frustrated when people say things that bother me very much, esp when I’m that sick!! You’re the most inconsiderate man on earth I ever seen! Go eat grass la! Who the hell you are here to judge me?! Scold me?! You thought I never know that you used me?! I help you because we’re friends, at least I still consider you as one. I hate you so badly for fooling me, playing me and using me!

I keep it all inside and I said nothing to you. But if you still doing this to me, I’ll do something back as return. I can get as mean as you could never ever imagine. I wasn’t grown up in a place that people put me as their first priority, I’m not the princess. Since kid, I knew with a face like that and a body like that, I’m just nothing. Despite of what I’m capable, people treat me as trash. And what do people do to trash? They ignore, they stay away, they spit, they trample, they scorn… I’m turning 20 this year, its more than enough living in a world where people don’t appreciate me.

You know why serial killer kill? Because they were abandoned, were hurt by their loves one, were despise by the society... because people around them kept doing things to hurt them. So stop doing whatever you’re doing now, because I’m telling you for sure that, one day I would get insane and the first person I’ll kill is YOU.

** For your record, I'm not drunk. I'm just being serious.

Dilemma

2010-06-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

My birthday is coming! (in 6 months) Lols

So, Mummy have put up some option for my birthday present for this year.

So, I gotta choose one of below

A. ACER Ferrari

B. Toy poddle

C. An Alza in black

D. iPhone 4G

E. Another guinea pig (to accompany FeeFee - my existing guinea pig)

Who wouldnt have a dilemma with choices like that?!

My mum is so evil! ==

Well I have 6 more months to consider! Till then

XOXO

You know you love me, phebsy

R.I.P. Grandpa

2010-06-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Aunty called me today. I was shocked to hear the news. He was always so fit, so healthy and so humor. I was very sick, still now. But I know the family need me more than anyone else. I went to BJ’s house around 5pm after hanging out with Fawn and the rest at Lab.

The atmosphere of the house was, was like typical funeral. Everyone’s wearing white, tables set out at garage, flowers and banners around the main gate. I walked in and gave a hug to aunty. We talked for a while and she said BJ had been in the room since y’day, not eating. Aunty was very worried. I walked upstairs, knocked the door, and went in to his room. He wasn’t on his bed and it was tidy. I turned around and there he was, sitting on the couch facing TV. I sat beside him and hold his hand, he leaned on my shoulder. His tears dropped on my shoulder and I said nothing but hold his hand tighter and pat his head. I don’t know how long we’ve sit there, but he finally slept. I looked around the room and he still has our photos in frame on the tables, beside his bed, on his book shelves. And I thought he moved on, and started dating with that girl. But none of her picture was there.

Aunty came in and called for supper. She told me a lot of stories, which I still can’t believe. I know then, he didn’t tell his parents about us, breaking up. His mom figured out eventually but dad still believes we’re together. When I asked Aunty about the girl he’s dating right now, she said he never did fell into that girl but just to show to me that he moved on. I backed to his room and saw him looking at his childhood album with his grands. I walked to him and sat right beside him. The moment I hold his hand, I knew I would never want to let go of him, again. I try to hold my tears, and tell him stories, funny moments we used to share. He was the only person that didn’t laugh because of my sexy voice. In fact, he holds my hand with his both hands and said don’t leave. My heart paused for a while. Who would want to leave this poor fella like this alone. I know I wouldnt, ever.

BJ’s grandpa was a humor person. Last time, when BJ and I were still together we used to have dinner with his family. His grandpa would always come up with jokes that could make our evenings so pleasant. I always get hyper when I know I’m gonna meet with him that day itself. He was very good to me, as if I’m his grandchild and treat me so well as if I was already one of the family. He liked me very much and tends to called me “BJ’s wife”. BJ love his grandpa so much and they were so close. The grief that he’s going through now is greater than anyone could imagine. That’s why he needs someone there with him, that’s why I’m there, right beside him. I don’t know what will this lead us to and will we be back together again or not. What I concern the most is that, to help him to stand up and to help the family to move on. That’s my role for now.

R.I.P. grandpa. Thank you for giving my so much love, caring and laughter even though we’re not related.

The Sexy One

2010-06-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Skipped mass com to have lunch with Rachel and Adri in Decante at Damansara. What a cheesey meal.

I got tease by a waiter, a lecturer, an experimenter, some students and friends for my super sexy voice. == I sound super bass these few days. I got picked up by a guy because of it too... I can’t concluded that he did it due to my “sexy voice” but he did asked “Do you always sound like this?” What the hell?!

Not sure he’s overfriendly or just play for fun or just simply pervert. Meet this dude from experiment. He came in and sat beside me and started talking to me?! First he started asking for my facebook and msn add. Then he asked about me, where I’m from, how old am I and stuffs. Again, he’s not the first to thought that I’m mix. Anyway, after the experiment finished, while waiting for the lift to go meet with Rachel and the rest, he came to me and asked whether I’ve taken lunch or not, wanna go bangsar for lunch? I was like what the hell?! Of course I answered politely that I’ve eaten and need to meet with friends. Thought this would send him away, but you have no idea how stubborn he could be! He then asked for my phone no, said that we could just hang out sometimes. Tak kan I say “No! You can’t have my no!” right? So I gave him, and of course, its not mine no la! I made it up. Haha.

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebsy

Stop Blaming Me

2010-06-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

We went Tenji today for lunch. I still go though sick like hell.

Mia and Khim

Baby Chloe!

Ivan : i love mei mei so much!
Chloe : Go AWAY! Lol

The Coconutians >>>

The Cocktailsians >>>

The nanny of the day! hahahha

J'taime : Its so disgusting!

Funny Barry and So-not-in-situation Ivan.

Keep holding on

2010-06-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and realized that ... here we go again.
My room temp is 12 'C but my body heat was definitely more than usual.
I sound like a man and my nose was flooded.

Missed group meeting.

I was like WTH in the whole session of the tutoring.
Kept cursing some people in the room.

Then, psy 106. Damnit, my fever came back and i was a mess! Pheoric, Adam and Ker yi were sitting with me and they kept asking I'm ok or not. hmmm...and there's a moment, where I was very very miserable, I cried. And I thought of just pack up and go back. but I stayed instead. I was pretty useless for the whole quiz thingy. Sorry people.

On the way back, I cried again. Felt like my head was going to crack and my body is on the boiling mode. I was so so so miserable.

Now? Better la. Since I took 100plus with salt, panadol, chinese herbal, chinese medicine... Just woke up and I drank another glass of chinese medicine that mum cook for me. Hopefully I'll be just fine since I gotta work tomorrow.

I'm going Tenji for lunch tomorrow! I gotta get well by then,no matter what! wahahaha

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebsy

The Mix One

2010-06-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

hmm...I get it, like all the time.

During Taylor's, almost everyone thought I'm mix in that ice-breaking games.
"Huh, I thought you're a chindian?!"
"Aren't you mix?"
"Are you from somewhere like Mongolia?"

During HMC,
The counsellor - Wilson asked
"... Did you bring your photocopies of passport? We can print it here for you if you havent printed it out. And your ___ exam result?"

Kher ye asked
"Are you a foreigner?"

Fiona asked
"So which part of China you're from?"

And Fatin asked
"You know when I first saw you I was so sure you're mix or foreigner. After couple of weeks only I realized you're not."

During work,
Customers tend to asked THE SAME QUESTIONS.
"Which country you come from?"
"So do you think Malaysia's interesting? Where have you visit to?"
"Why do you come to Malaysia to work? Is your country's pay very low?"

My students asked
"Teacher are you really Australian? Because you look like one. Is your mum chinese and dad's a Asutralian."

Now, Bpsy
Orientation day,
This guy came to me and talk about stuffs. Then he asked
"By the way, do you need help for direction in KL? Here's a map for you. There's shopping malls and places where you can find foods. "

Few days ago, in LLS was grouping up with this girl beside me. We were suppose to talk about movies stuffs, that's what Justin said. So I group up with this stranger which ended up asking me
"Are you mix? Like Chinese American? You have the caucasion face."

And you know what's the most funny part? I go shopping, went in some stores, where chinese staff approach to me and ask "Boleh saya bantu keh cik?"

You can call me whatever you want me to be. A Chindian, Mongolia, China, Indonesia, Jakarta, Australian (my pleasure!) ... BUT not MALAY! ==
If a staff from any store talk to me like i'm a malay, I wont visit that store AGAIN, EVER!
I'm so overdramatic! haha

YES! I'm mix! Chinese with Australian!
Done?! Please dont ask me again. =)

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebs

The Truth

2010-06-12T10:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you figured out that she's no longer who you thought she is. The one that you've been treating like your own sister, you BFF become the most strangest person for you. Someone who's being selfish and doesnt care about your concerns.

Once again, I have no idea what's best friends for.
"I'm okay. Its ok. Never mind."
I've been saying these forever and I hardly meant it.
Best friends are like married couple. Both needs honesty. I gave mine but I dont see another side did so. Best friends required trust, and you doubt me all the time.

I'm not good enough for BJ my ex?!
I'm not good enough to study psychology?!
I'm not good enough to work certian jobs?!
I'm not good enough to dress like that?!
I'm not good enough to wear make up?!
I'm not good enough for just ... everything?!

So you said. My best friend.

I'm really sick of saying this over and over again. I was there for whoever need me, I always do. But who was there for me?!

If you've been reading my blog, you'll know what happened to me in these 2 years.
Here's the stories.

The accident I had 1 years ago, I wont never ever forget that. A motorist hit me and ran away. I was abandoned on the road, crying and yelling in pain. No one bothers.
I was hospitalized then. You never came. You never asked. You never concern, not even a sms asking "Are you ok?". I've a scar on my leg now and I'll always remember : No one cares. Not even the so called best friends.

Another accident I had last year. I was banged by a car. My ankle was wrapped. You walked pass by and I showed you my ankle with tears coming out. You showed me faceless. You said nothing. You did anything. You made me chased behind you with my ankle hurt everytime my foot touches the floor. This scar reminds me of : No one cares. Even if you're dying soon.

Some said True friends are hard to get. But is it really that hard?! I gave in everything. I've sacrificed a lot of things. So what's now? I got nothing. I got no one.

Prince of Persia

2010-06-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

I think it was last tuesday, since some of us have 6 hours break, the rest decided to ditch class and join the bandwagon to Tropicana Mall.

Had our lunch in Sushi Tei. I had the lunch box this time! SO Full!!!
Then we went for movie - Prince of Persia! SO NICE!!!

Mia and Rachel

Bala, mia, Junn, Adam and Fawn.

Mia and junn.

-------------------------------------

Since I was already late for mass com today, thought might as well just skipped it. Walked to Subway alone and there I saw Stephanie. We had small talks about Uni, Australia and CF.
LLS class was ok. Justin let us watch the Malcom in the Middle. I used to watch the show when i was a kid back then. Oh...Frankie Muniz used to be so 'children' and look at him now - SO Man. haha

Drove to Mont Kiara right after class. Studied while waiting for Kher ye to finish her work. We went Solaris to check out Tenji. On the way back, we stopped by De pastry Chef for fruit tarts and Max Value for sushi. haha I had a pleasant evening.

I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP TILL FRIDAY.
I have 7 chapters of LLS to study and the paper is on tomorrow.
I have an essay of 3 leaders that due on this friday.
I have group meeting and discussion for mass com on wednesday.

XOXO
The risen Zombie, Phebsy

Pick-Nick

2010-06-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

WEEeeeEEE!!! We went picnic @ Common Wealth y'day. So glad it turned out so well, except one thing. I'm not gonna talk about it cause i'll probably ended up smashing keyboard or computer.

The Drivers - Phoebe, David, Ming, Victor, Melinda, Jennifer.

We meet up @ FRIM about 8.00am. Victor lead the way to common wealth. Heavy rain on the way there. It's coldzy and drizzyling when we reach there. Awesome! Cause we're the only ones there. Normally its crowed and you have to fight for the best seat.

Vicky Mama and Baby Chloe.

Too much too much! Victor!

Mia and the sandwiches i made!

Mia and Min Qi.

Kevin - the Guitarist of the day.

"Singing I love you Lord~singing I love you lord~~~"

Ah Boy, Ming and jia yong - The gamer of the day.

Let's begin!
1st game - each team choose a person, and the gamer will tell you what to compete.

When its my turn, my challenge was - See's who have the highest pitch! HAha you know who won.

AH Boy : No MERCY for punishment!!!

SPLASHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Victor: Let me ride on you pls!

ATTACKKKKKK!!!!!

Baby Ivan and Baby Jordan.

Justine : FASTER TAKE! I cant hold any longer!!

Hong : I! I! I'm Captain little red hood! Lols

My poor guitar, abandoned in the middle of the jungle. T.T

Min Qi, Mia and Baby Jermaine - Trying to build a sand castle, which didnt turn up well. Hahaha

Was it Cicakman or Kick-Ass?

McDs @ Sri Damansara for Lunch.

So Satisfied with her fillet-o-fish, cone ice cream, mango-peach sundae and fries.

The BOSS. hahha

The lovely day ends there with laughters.

I'M SO LAZY!!! I've not do anything on LLS! Still, I'm planning to go for movies. ==

XOXO,

You know you love me, Phebsy.

If no one would listen

2010-06-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

I cried. They didnt see it. As least that's what I thought, I hoped.

Sometimes, you could feel so helpless that you think God's not even there for you.

It feels like there's just you against the world.
It feels like you wanna break the walls but there's endless.
It feels like you're lost in the jungle and no matter how many times you tried, you're stuck in the same place.
It feels like you're doing this thing for good, but people blame it on you.
It feels like ... Helpless.

It feels like everyone's just so good at that thing, and I'm the only dummy.
It feels like no one cares about whatever events' going on when I gave in so much to just make everyone happy.
It feels like everyone's just so lazy and dont want to do works, God's works.
It feels like I've to pick up other's shit and eventually everyone knows where to get a scapegoat.
It feels like ... Helpless.

And what's funny was, no one was even trying to ask "Are you okay?"

XOXO
"The helpless one" Phebsy

Look Who's back!

2010-05-31T03:36:00.000-07:00

Not paying that much of attention during worship yesterday. Maybe was thinking what to eat for lunch. Lol. Mel's spaghetti is awesome! About 2pm we went to fetch Jacky who's JUST came back from Singapore. Headed to De Pastry Chef for lunch then.

Chocolate Oreo pudding

Fruit tarts and choc mousse.

Today >>>

Woke up about 9am, went to fetch Jacky & yeong mean.

Dim Sum for breakfast! Typical chinese. Lol

Yeong mean & Jacky

David : Which one should I eat 1st? I know! I wanna eat everything!

Haha

After breakfast >>>

David headed back for classes.

While I skipped today classes and became their driver-of-the-day.

Time to chop your hair before going back to singapore! Wahaha

Before ...

And after... Lol

Went Jusco for some groceries shopping.

Headed to e-curve for movie. I wanted to watch Nightmare on the Elm Street but its like 6.40pm. So we go for "Shrek : Forever after". Haha quiet funny. I like those baby-dragon-donkeys!!!! So cute wei. Oh, I asked about the maxis ivalue plan in Maxis. hmmm... I think the new promotion worth. I'll give it a shot, gonna ask mummy tonight. Well depends her mood 1st.

After movie >>>

The movie ended around 3 smth, we went Ikea for MORE meatballs! Cant believe I'm having meatballs & Diam cake again for the 3rd time in two weeks.

It was their 1st time having meatballs, they like it! =)

After lunch >>>

We did a little shopping in Ikano, brands Outlet and Padini. Oh, and he said come out and show me when we went into fitting room. == Who want to show you la. I bought 2 shirts. :D

Marble cheese cake from Hilton Hotel, Singapore.

Jacky bought the whole cake from Singapore and actually brought it back. OMG, I thought Delicious' cheese cake was the best, it all changed the moment I ate this! Hmmm~Thank you Jacky!

Sign. I'm such a good student. This is week 3 and how any classes did I skipped? Or shall I say how many of them did I attend?

I think I've discovered the secret to life: you just hang around til you get used to it.

Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be part of.

XOXO

You know you love me, Phebsy

Its all about L.O.V.E.

2010-05-29T10:08:00.001-07:00

Had a great moments with my student this morning during tuition. I'm glad that my students are getting better and better. Lols

Went to studio after that. I cried while recording "Beautiful - Christina Aguilera". It was so emotional. It reminds me of how some people used to treat me like i'm a monster, a weirdo, a freak. Everyone is beautiful in every single way. Define beautiful? Says who 'Beautiful' is angelical face, devilish body? We're all human, how could you hurt others by categorizing them as fat, ugly?!

Then, I was emotional, AGAIN when I sang "Save you - Kelly Clarkson". Oh! I get to sing my idol's songs! "倒带", "妥協" and "假装" - Jolin Tsai. Hmmm... Apparently my whole-time-depression works on these songs. And for me, I've totally no idea where're all these griefs coming from but yea, guess it saved me from being scolded? I'm hungry! Didnt get to eat my lunch. by the time i finish, it was like 6 smth?

The Canadian's son playing PS.

Makan Dinner @ Green Apple, Aman Puri.

Best friends for almost 10 years - Evon.

Nice Food.

And most importantly, they have...

I found myself another job. It start after this sem. Job description - easy! I just need to sing! WeeeEE! But for the coming 2 months have to practice a lot of songs.

XOXO,

You know you love me, Phebsy

Not even a Blink!

2010-05-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm so stress out!!! :( I can foreseen myself crying in front of the computer when the day of this sem's result release. for 65% I'm sure i'm gonna F my psy 106 ... Today's class was ... SPEECHLESS.

Beginning of the class
Ms Winnie : First question, blah blah blah...

right after she said all the 5 questions,
Ms Winnie : Ok I'm gonna collect it now from the back. In 10 seconds, pass it to me!

After that, we got ready for lecture, mana tau...
Ms Winnie : ok, here we goes, first question, ...
Everyone were like so nervous of tearing paper.

Then, lecture lecture lecture... EXHAUSTED!
After EXACTLY 15 mins of break
Ms Winnie : First questions....
Just about everyone thought the nightmare is over...There she goes! 3 Quizzes in one lecture!

Its SUPER stressful wei! Dont think I'm gonna make it. Never dare to blink my eyes nor bend my back nor dare to allow myself listen other voices than Ms Winnie's. Sorry Adam that I ignore you several times when you asked my stuffs. Its like she never give us time to THINK! We just need MORE TIME, just ONE MORE MINUTE to think. SigH.....

Well, THANK YOU God for letting Wesak falls on tomorrow. Because I think we all had enough for today. Oh, no one was late or over slept or skip Ms Winnie class. Frankly, I think she's the only lecturer that's capable to make everyone so punctual, quiet and focus in class. Well done Ms Winnie. :D

Since no one wanna join us for the lunch, Me and Keri yi ended up going Ikea dating, yesterday. haha We had so much wei, Meatballs, Sarawak's Nasi lemak, Diam cake. I'm SO GLAD that we ended up shopping and skipped LLS. Now Brands Outlet is my favourite store for Tees! Their Tees = Awesome. I bought this grey-metal tee saying " I always meet Mr. Wrong!" haha We bought a lot of shoes from Vincci! When i mean a lot, I mean A LOT. Especially ker yi! She bought 3 heels and a flat while I bought 2 heels, a sandals and a Tee! :D I told you this and I'm telling you now again, SHOPPING is the BEST medicine of all to cure.

Just right after I reach home, Khim called. And Guess what? We ended up going The curve, which I just went?! Haha, she bought a voice recorder, which I probably going to get one because of Ms Winnie's Fast-foward speaking tone. Its $399 for 2 GB. == I need to get a laptop too, budget $3,000?! And a new camera = $700 and Iphone = $2500. SigH... ... How I wish I'm Lee ka-Shing's granddaughter. (FYI, he's the most richest man in Asia?) If I were, I get to fly to any country and chose any University to study in without a thought! Unlike now. SigH... be happy Phoebe! You're one lucky kid, you know there's so many people in the world that dont even get the chance to do whatever you're doing right now?! Be satisfy. hmmm...

Heard a friend saying about his ex today. I think he's very pain lo. That girl a memang cruel one la. Its ok, she moved on, you should too. Get a better one and show off to her next time. In her face man! Sometimes life has to break us down, for us to grow stronger, learn more, think harder. For you, sya and for me.

Suddenly a lot fo people come to me for jobs a. Guess everyone knows I'm a workoholic so probably think that i have tons of part-time jobs? haaha mmm so good these people can work and earn $$. My one income isnt enough la. If this isnt a short sem I would have work for more than one job. Money Money Money come come come to mummy mummy mummy.

I'm a person who builds friendship slowly but when I make a true friend...I'm there for them always and for a life time, all the time. Thank you for appreciating me, friends! :D

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebsy

Bitterness

2010-05-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the right person to die for. Not everyone got it right. And when you die for the people who wont even stand up for you, it's all worthless.

She worked so hard to put all the pieces together, even it means cutting herself accidentally while picking up those pieces of glasses.Then, she realized that no one cares anyway cause she's nothing matters for anyone. She started building walls against people and rejected them out of the gate. She pretended to be strong because it's the only thing she can do to gain back her dignity.

Meatballs!

2010-05-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

Friday.
OMG, what a class. Totally dry my brain, and my eyes never blink for 3 hours, literally. haha

After class, sat the bus to main block. Then, kevin was chasing the bus! I was sitting beside, and saw him running all the way. I thought he was going to run back to main block. Wow, those girls in the bus were like "OMG, its kevin! He's running, so cute la!" == Then the driver stopped and he came up to the bus. Then, those girls were saying stuffs like "I like him, he's kinda cute!" == haha I didnt know he have so many admires. When i walk to my car, kevin thought i was stalking him because I was following him. Come on la, my car was besides his, he think too much.

Meet with derek and fang. We went The curve to makan. As usual, I had my favorite meatballs and diam cake! hmmm~~ still not satisfy! Accompany Derek for shopping. He boughht shoes and football. We were so wrong the whole night wei! Everyone minds' dirty. Derek wanted to eat the Ikea hotdog, and we went the wrong way. I said I dont play football, i play other balls, and we went the wrong wrong wrong way again. Fang was checking out a hot guy, then i said he got baby face. Fang said oh i did see the face, i see the... "so you normally check out the chest 1st is it? I said,hahahaha. The night was so funny and tired.

Went to some showrooms with mommy today to check out some of the cars she plan to buy, and also the car that she wanted to buy for me -- Alza. Tiring.

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebs

Who's the man?!

2010-05-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

We all heard crazy stories about this woman. But seriously? OMG, thank God it's just that 7 weeks.

I'm talking about the "PMS & OCD" lecturer of psychology dept, probably of HELP University. (We all know who's that)
She can talk very fast and then soft, ended up she's like talking to herself. Everyone's so quiet in the class wei! No one is sleeping. Everyone sitting up straight, doing notes and focusing! Oh, i just screwed my very 1st quiz! Its begining of the class, of everything start. She just came in and said QUIZ, without even telling us her name. == Cant believe i'll be having quiz each time i go into class. But I kinda like the way she teach. :)

I hate mass com. I dislike my group. I dont know everyone except Rachel, who got regret too for joining in that group. Can I change to business or something else? worse come IT la, i seriously dont feel like taking mass com as my elective. SigHhhh.........I even slept in the class y'day. Trust me, i'm the 1st person that slept in the 1st class. haha. Wait la, in few weeks time, when everyone get use to the class and lec, people will sleep.

Oh, I had chillax, after so many weeks already. haha down when the waitress said can not change my fries to mash potato. Ker yi's nail = bling bling bling! haha. Fawn's hair = Wu....
Feel like coloring my hair too, but no! My future kids came 1st. I dont want my kid to get some weird illness. haha Stupid. Better buy a wig. haha

I'm glad that Megan fox is no more in transformer 3, but isnt Gemma Arterton kinda old for Shia's age??? Whatever. WEEEeee... Going out today and tomorrow night! Though there's a lot fo works, but PLAY 1st! Fun is what make everything matters. haha

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebs.

The Short Sem

2010-05-19T06:11:00.001-07:00

Y'day was my last day of work.
HEAVY rain. Hahaha was a bit JAM, but still slow moving. We went DaoRae for dinner.

Kher ye posing. Kawaii

Yum Yum.

OMG! I tell you, This "shun-do-bu-chi-ku" is a must to order! Especially in a rainy and coldzy night.

Mei thin! Longgg time didnt see her ady.

Kher Ys & Mei thin's favorite.

So FULL man.

Went for the morning class today. Bored. I dont like my group. We're the left out and therefore we formed a new group. ==

Come back home cause its a 6 hours break till the next class. Plus, I was kinda sick. Been sleeping from 11am-6pm. Then kher ye called. OMG, i was suppose to fetch her and meng chun. I checked my alarm, it was suppose to wake me at 3.30pm not 3.30am! I missed the lls class.

Anyway, put on double-signal and speed to mont kiara to fetch kher ye and meng chun. Again, its JAM at damansara. I just hope all the cars can fly. The roads just isnt enough for everyone!!!

Dont really like intro to mass com, but cant take sociology. Heard it's quiet hard, plus its a short sem, you want me die is it. SigH..... I miss working.

I wanna go SHOPPING!

XOXO

You know you love me, Phebs

Some random weekend

2010-05-16T03:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday, after work.

Makan @ sushi king with catherine and her China-Korean friend.

She's kinda cute, dont you think? haha

Sunday, after youth.

David, Khim and mia have our lunch @ shabu shabu. Some random tagged along. == Lost my appetite.

Then we went Starbucks and saw...

Henry Xu bin Wen. Local artist and singer.

Afterward, went David's shop to yam cha and chat till eve.

There goes my last weekend of hols.

Planned to skip monday and tuesday's class since it's just like first week of the sem. Plus, I have better stuff to do - WORK! haha

XOXO

You know you love me, Phebs

This is the day

2010-05-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is the day when thousands of people died and diasppeared. Not all people, JUST the chinese and a few of indians. The malays killed our ancestors with no reasons, no mercy. They killed teh chinese in the cinema, at mamak, on the road. There were folks, teens, children and woman, and the malay killed them all. Our ancestors had no way to escaped. Thousands of bodies were painted in black and buried together. Gov't kill whoever walk out of the house at nights.

This day was what made today's malaysia.

" There is no one righteous, not even one;

there is no one who understands,

no one who seeks God.

All have turned away,

they have together become worthless;

there is no one who does good, not even one.

Their throats are open graves;

their tongues practice deceit.

The poision of vipers is on their lips.

Their mouth are full of cursing and bitterness.

Their feet are swift to shed blood;

ruin and misery mark their way,

and the way of peace they do not know.

There is no fear of God before their eyes."

~ Romans 3: 10-18

People, remembering what they did to our ancestors but not revenge. For whatever we're doing right now, God's watching. He knows the best, and He'll never let anyone escape from practicing evilism. For God does not show favoritism.

XOXO

"Be alert" Phebs

It was never easy

2010-05-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Every time I looked at you, my heart tear apart, bit by bit.
I reply a smile, reluctantly.

That day when I leave you, I cried so badly. Because I knew, you wanted to say that same thing that i did. It just that I got the chance to say it first. It came without warning and it tore my heart in two. The perfect life I thought I had was nothing without you. My eyes are wet with sorrow and my body are fill with pain. The life I’d planned for you and I could never be the same.

You have no idea how painful it is, no one knows. People see me changing. People saw me crying. People know i'm suffering. They said nothing cause they dont know what to say, cause they dont know how painful was that.

"I Love you" was what you said and we promised to be together forever, for better or worse. I gave you my heart, but you broke it, you smashed it heartlessly. People said I should move on, I did. I did tried. But everytime when my wound almost heal, you showed up and cut my heart deeper.

I saw the photos of you in facebook. I saw you at college, laughing like there's no tomorrow.
I can still hear broken sounds everytime you walk passed me.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

What I did to my parents these passed months, to my friends. Being cruel, cold, aggresive, and heartless. Its unforgivable. Basically, its like living a dead life. Its not the end of the world, I should stop this behavor. I should stop hurting myself and people around me for someone that doesnt appreciate me as much as my friends did.

It's time, Phoebe. Time to let go, something. You can never let go all the feelings, but you have to let go of him. This is the last time I cry for you, goodbye BJ.

XOXO
Grow up, Phebs

What we did!

2010-05-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

Day 1

The driver - Adam

The planner - Rachel

MiA!

The followers - Faiz, Pheoris, Fawn & Adri

We reached Permai! Mia, Adam & Fawn

Play cards. Wanted to go strawberry farm but rainned.

Eve sports.

The Game of Life.

The " HELLO JACK!" game

Day 2

Weee! After breakfast. Faiz drived everyone to genting.

Doing research! i wanna play everything!

Mia and Rachel!

Pheoric, fawn, adri, faiz, phoebe & Rachel

Energizer ambassadors. haha

Charlie Angels. Bang Bang!

HELLO JACK again. Lol

CANT BREATHE!

in the london bus

Packing! rachel looked like chopping. haha

U sure this is moulding adam?

4D motion - haunted house

Mia and Fawn!

Day 1 & 2 - Night

11 pm. Adri mixing - tequila. Whisky. soft drinks

Tequila mixed something something

12 am. Adam turned red. and Fawn turned purple.

2am. Kena punished. == FYI, that's toothpaste.

3.30 am - online, fb-ing, youtube.

4am in the morning. ==

Day 3

Bye-bye!

everyone woke up late, except pheoric. haha didnt get to go strawberry farm.

I had so much fun in genting, and i'm glad that i got closer with everyone else. I'm glad that i opened up. =) Thank you everyone!

In the car - back KL

There's many snacks left, so we played...

The "Funny-Bunny" game. ==

Stuff as much as mashmarrow into your mouth. Keep it in your mouth and no chewing. The one have the most win. ==

Adam, rachel and me went kepong for lunch and dessert in milk wheel.

Adam and rachel fetched me home and visited my Feefee!

Reached home @ 5pm.

Bath and go out. Went David's place.

David fetch me to Mel's house for dinner.

Playing with the kids in Mel's house.

Thanks for the dinner Mel! It was just simple and nice! =)

XOXO
You know you love me, Phoebe Lee

The T.R.I.P.

2010-05-07T09:31:00.001-07:00

WEEEeeEEE! I'm back from Genting and it was FUNNNN!!!!

Credits to Rachel, Fawn, Adam, Adri, Faiz and Pheoric!
I'm glad that i had so much fun with everyone! especially play cards and the game of life! haha

Old folks-Reunion! hahaha

Adam and mia @ mary-go-round. WEEeeEE~~ too bad they dont have music playing.
Oh! we played a lot of stuffs! I like spinning! Rachel, lets go for the pirate's thingy again, shall we? haha I wanted to win the teddy! hmmm...We played the game of life and have cards most of the time.

Tequila and whisky.
Laughters.
Steamboat.
Snacks.
Pasta.
Honey chicken.
Swimming @ midnight.
Sleep @ 5 am.
jokes.
... ... ... ... ...

Losta pictures not yet upload, will share with you when rachel and fawn load it! =)

Half of my hols is gone! and i just got another part-time job for myself. Starting next week! Thank you Phui mum! My days to buying my darling - iPhone is nearer. haha

Had a big fight with both my parents the day i came back, yesterday.
It definitely NOT my fault. I didnt do anything wrong. They're the ones having 'period'!
Havent been talking to them since then. Though i feel its not good behaving like that, not talking to my parent, but whatever! You pissed me off and made me cried, now you have to pay for it!

I wanna go shopping somemore!!!
I wanna have sushi!!!
I wanna go for a picnic!!!
I wanna buy books!!!
I wanna go for cooking/baking classes!!!
I wanna go for a rock climbing!!!

XOXO,
feeling sick, Phebs

The Ho-LI-DAYS

2010-05-02T02:14:00.000-07:00
Rachel just called.
We're going GEN GEN GEN...TING!!!! hahaha I'm SO HAPPY its HAPPENING!!!

WEEEEEeeeeeEE!!! I'll be in genting for 3 days, tue-thur! I'm so excited now, gotta pack things, what should i bring? Should I bring FeeFee (haha just kidding), should I bring food? books? Oh oh oh! I wanna play everything outdoor!!!

Went shopping with Ker yi on friday. OMG!!!! I'm so so so so HAPPY. 4 tops from Forever 21, 2 tops from cotton on, 1 pants from soda! We makan @ Chilli. Thanks ker yi for the lunch! Hmmm~~ I always know that SHOPPING is the best medicine in the world! haha

Going out for movies later with Catherine, David and Kai jian!
I wanna watch IP man 2, Iron man 2, Kick Ass, The Loser, Shutter Island, The Crazies, Date Night, Robin hood, Bounty hunter, The back-Up Plan!!!! I have SO MANY things to do!

The Ho-Li-DAYS start from now!!!

XOXO
"Holiday-ing" Phebs

When you Believe

2010-05-02T01:51:00.000-07:00

When no one believe in me,
When no one think I can do it,
When no one understand me,
When my parents said i'm doing an impossible mission,
When my BFFs looked down on me,
When everyone in this world assume I'm uncapable,

You have faith on me!
You're the first and only person in the world that trust me, believe me and have faith on me!

People think I 'dont have the brain' to study psychology.
People think I'm stupid and I'm just not 'that good' in studying.
People think I'm just studying an useless degree.
People think I'm study psychology because it's fun.
People think I just cant make it.

YOU. You make me worth studying till late night, even till the morning. You recognized me, encouraged me, praised me... You understand WHY I wanna study psychology without me telling you the reasons. Thank you for believing what I'm believing in.

I have eager to dig everything about psychology,
I have passion on psychology,
I love psychology,
I'll be doing psychology for the rest of my life.

Fawn once asked: Do you think you're in the wrong course?
Bryan & Fang asked : Do you like what you're doing?
Mel asked : Are you happy?
Junie asked : What do you think you'll be doing if not psychology?

Answer : I love psychology, no matter how hard it is. I'm happy even if i have to rush all those stupid reports. I never regret for choosing psy as my major.

XOXO
"Believe in me" Phebs

Its Not Over YET

2010-04-29T10:04:00.000-07:00
OMG! Finally! I' just finished my final paper just now, 7pm! oh Gosh! I'm so relief now!!!!

ME, Pheoric, adam, rachel, fawn and adri went to 1u then for dinner and celebration for final? haha

We JAMMED for about 1 hour. == KL.

At the end, we choose Italianese and it was 9.40 o'clock. ==

I was so HUGRY that i can swallow a cow that time, since i didnt eat lunch and my braskfast was a glass of milk. And then, half way eating, I was already so FULL!!! Should have share it with others. By the time we finished, it's like 11 pm? It was so creepy and scary man in 1u! everything is closed, so quiet. When rachel and i were in the rest room, the light suddenly off and i heard noises! So freaky wei!

WWEEEeeee!!! I have plans for my limited holidays!!!

SHOPPING! hahaha i'll be shopping the coming 2 weeks. Tomorrow, meeting Ker yi @ 1u for lunch and shopping and Pavillion. WEEeee~~!!!!

GENTING!!! Yes, I hope this time nothing's gonna happen. Everytime when my friends plan for genting trip, something happened, and we ended up not going. ==

KARAOKE!!!! I miss singing like crazy!!!!

PICNIC!!!! I wanna just lay on the grass and let the sun shines go through my shades, and just chillax!

BEACH!!!! I wanna swim and spot for hot guys!!!!

BODERS/MPH!!! I wanna spend a day in the book shop and read those books that i wanted so much yet cant afford!!!!

BAKING!!!! I'm baking chocolate banana cake for mom's birthday! and nutty brownie for mother's day!!!

MALACCA!!!! We're going Malacca for one day trip!!! I miss there!!! Ice cendol! Lok lok! Durian kuih! Chicken rice ball!!!!

PIANO!!! I need to learn a song, my mom's favourite song and play it for her on the Mother's day!!!

MOVIE MARATHORN!!!! I need to watch all the movies and series that i missed!!!!

alright, that's all for now. haha. Guess i dont have much time left huh? hahha
Oh Oh Oh!!! I almost forgot one important plan - I need to go _____ everyday too!!!!

WEEEeeee~~ So GLAD its holiday!!! even ts just 2 weeks. =)

XOXO
P.H.O.E.B.E.

Sick of YOU

2010-04-24T10:16:00.000-07:00
Please stop looking at me as if i'm a freak.

Please stop critizing me as if you're Tyra Banks.

Please stop gossiping around about how weird and silly my outfits are.

I like painting my nails and toes. I painted my toes in blue and i like it. Is that a crime?!

That scarf of mine, DONT you ever say a bad word on it again. It's from my grandma and i like it even though you think it's "aunty" and "old".

I like long tops with leggings and whats your problems with that?!! The leggings and tights make you thought of prostitute AGAIN?!

I love wearing ballerina flats and I hate heels. So you're saying i'm not lady?!

I like the way i dressed and I wanted to feel confident when I dressed up. Just because I'm fat doesnt mean that what ever i wear is ugly. So now its a crime for fat people like me to dress up, is it? Please show some respect and dignity when I'm dress up.

For God's sake, you're my friends. Seriously, I dont get it. Why are you showing the disgusting face whenever i wore leggings?! Just because you're prettier than me, it doesnt give you the rights to humiliate me like that. I'm disappointed when you said those harsh "comments".

XOXO
Final-ing Phebs

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2010-04-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!

Thank you for being my ear for a year! you deserve this! Muacks!

XOXO
Phoebe

Rain on the Parade

2010-04-17T03:57:00.001-07:00

It just finished raining. I sat on th balcony for 3 hours. First 2 hours i was studying. Then I started watching rains. I like rain, except the lightning part. =)
I love sitting at the balcony and just watching the rains, silently. Cause for me, that's heaven.

When you do nothing but just looking at the rain, you could feel a sense of relief. I don't know about you, but i do. I've thoughts a lot. My head is clearer and my brain rise from dead. Thank you God, for the rain.

I walked out. I touched the rain and let it ran through me. I laughed in the rain. I jumped. I found joy which i've lost long ago.

Those who say sunshine brings happiness have clearly never danced in the rain. :D

XOXO
"Joy" Phebs

Pain inside

2010-04-13T04:55:00.000-07:00
Makan @ Sushi Tei with Rachel, Fawn, Yeng, Ben, Ker yi, Adam, Pheoric and Faiz. To celabrate Yeng's birthday actually, while we told her we need to discuss some group assignments.

I think Yeng and Ben are sweet, and that make me thought of when we used to fight for popcorns in front of cinema...playing our fingers-game...dancing waltz at corridor in shopping mall...

I used to believe in forever. But forever's too good to be true. When you said "I'll love you forever", I believed in it. You broke my trust and ruin our love. 1st sem is going to finish soon, and It was just like yesterday that i lay on your side and you were asking where should we go for makan. Its been few months but it still hurt inside. Since the day you left, I have no one to go to. I stoned. I'm miserable. I dont talk. I stop joking. I stop singing. I've changed. I rejected someone. I'm building walls against people. I'm cold with my parents.

I've acted normal in day, and being in deep griefs in night. I'm glad that people finally stop asking about us, but guess it doesnt really make a difference. When would these stop?

Watched How to train your dragon, finally. Like it. Got stomahcache, when to the doctor when i got back home. Ended up, food poision. == It was the sashimi or the morning bread or y'day cold tong shui?

XOXO,
Feeling in pain, Phebs

Screw IT!

2010-04-09T05:22:00.000-07:00
Today might just be the most happy day that happened to me in April!

psy 113 - DONE
psy 111 - DONE
psy 105 - DONE

I'm so proud of myself! Wait let me adjust the sentence. I'm so amazed of what I did!

Havent been sleeping since last saturday till today. Its 6 nights man! But of course I took nap at the afternoon la, else i'll be insane. But still, I was very very stressed and feel so miserable.

Cant believe mom called Mel and complained about me, saying that she's very worried of me for sleeping so little and working so hard. As Mel told me, Iw was in surprised and then, i felt happy somehow. Glad that mom care for me, and even though she said psychology is useless. Mel was more worried than my mom. I think it maybe she scared something like the past will happened. There was a girl studied psychology too, just like me, and she ended up in the mental hospital. ==

Please dont lie on me face! Cause I'll know when you do!
If someone is around, you treat me good.
If someone is gone, you treat me like i'm invisible.
You know how awful is that when you say that infront of me?!
What did I did that i deserve such treats.

"Hey, can sit your car a?", I said.

"So many ppl's car, why sit mine?!" ( he said, turned around without waiting for my respond. got into the car, and faster drive away. leaving me standing at the roadside.)

I was standing there, stoned basically! Did you just dumped me?!!
What kind of friend are you? You have multipersonality disorder is it? Or you have problem switching faces in front of different people?!

A guy that just dump the girl at the roadside doesn't deserve to be love. Even if he's just a friend. I helped you so much and as return, thats what i got? I might forgive you but 'll never forget what you did to me. ARGHHHHhhh!!!! I'm so angry of you, and I wanna tell it to your face!!!! STUPID!!!! Whatever! Dont you ever come to me and ask for help cause I'm gonna say it to your face that "I DONT CARE YOUR SHIT!" I'm not your living google, got problem only you'll come to me.

Went to pass up reports just now, then Rachel, Fawn and Me went 1u.
Makan @ delicious.
I'm a pasta and cheese and dessert person! WEEEEeee!!! So happy!!! we ordered carbonara, lagsana and strawvberry cheese cake. OMG their cheese cake is AWESOME!!!!!!
So regret cause I was supposed to have my 19th birthday party there but...
Well, is not too late for this year! big 20th! haha its not like delicious' gonna closed down tomorrow right? haha :P **touch wood touch wood!**
Cotton on 50% sales! I like-ky my new shorts from cotton on!

I was so angry of that person who dumped me at the roadside, so i decided to go Laundry with bryan! My day shouldnt be spoiled because of a stupid fella! As we were drinking, BOOM! Omg 2 guys are fighting! Don't know why but guess they're drunk?

Oh, so now i have a crush? haha Till now still have no idea why I did that "Roarrr" thing, it just so happened. And so malang kena spotted by rachel. hahha and now everybody think i have a thing on him! What? hahaha But it was really really funny lo! Its so funny that, sometimes when i was doing something, and suddenly i'll laughed because the scene just flowed into my mind. hahaha

Sign....Life is tough, but its what makes us stronger. Life is an undying cycle. It is a battle of survival. If you quit, you are a loser. If you fall, stand up. Life is lifeless.

xoxo,
"Carbonara" Phebs

With All Her Hopes

2010-04-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

I feel so S.T.R.E.S.S. :(

XOXO
"113" Phebs

The Last Supper

2010-04-01T10:05:00.000-07:00
Its an ordinary thrusday night, but an exordinary felowship we had.

We practised "The Last Supper" aka seder which what Jesus did the night before He was betrayed. I'm glad that Mel brought this up to us, to let us know its not just about remembering what He did for us buy also why.

Good Friday is the mirror held up by Jesus so that we can see ourselves in all our stark reality, and then it turns us to that cross and to his eyes and we hear these words, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." That'sus! And so we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves. We see in that cross a love so amazing so divine that it loves us even when we turn away from it, or spurn it, or crucify it. There is no faith in Jesus without understanding that on the cross we see into the heart of God and find it filled with mercy for the sinner whoever he or she may be.

~~Robert G. Trache

XOXO
"Fool" Phebs

physical punishment

2010-03-31T09:11:00.000-07:00
What's new? I strained my ankle again!

Back to Monday, wasnt getting enough of sleep and felt quiet sick la.
After college, went back home. I was climbing my house's stairs and my stacks of super heavey books fell. When I was trying to pick them up, somehow I felt dizzy and boom boom boom crak!

I fell a few stairs and twisted my ankle la. Yea, I guess thats what happened.

I'm so sick of my life right now. Its always falling, literally and physically. **signnnnn....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

They've been worried and concern about me, I'm touched. I really appreciate it, even small little things you all did for me like opening the door for me, waiting for me in the half way. You guys gave me something that i've never found in college, something even my so called best friends barely did. Thank you, everyone in the gang!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went for the Bpsy final debate today with Rachel. Its Jeremy Lim & Rachel Yao VS someone & someone. haha Seriously thought that Jeremy's team would win lo. Anyway,

I oppose that physical punishment should be use on
children!!!

The affirmation team said that punishment is to let the child feel
pain, then they'll learn not to do it again. Their definition of
punishment is to give pain and not
injury.

I strongly disagree. I mean, how do you know you're not causing injuries to these child when you punish them? One's definition of pain might be very different from others. Belts are made of leather and it can cause one to bleed when one is bitten by belt. Kitchen tools are mostly made of stainless/iron and it can cause one's bone to crack when one is bitten by it. But most parents still using these ways when it comes to punishing thei children. Cane is most often use as punishment tool, and it's definitely hurt when you really hit it. The skin swallow for few day, it might even got bruising. what if the hit hurt the veins or the bones? Can you see that? No! You cant! Do you still think that this is plainly hurt and not injuries?

What's the purpose to physical punish a child? To make them understand what they did was wrong? But what could they learn from the pain? They'll just learn not to be caught again, or may not to do it again. But do they understand why? Why is it wrong? People only care about intrinsic learning. What about how the child feel? Your goal is to make sure they learn not to do it again, and you'll do whatever it takes to make that happened. Your 5 years old boy just cant stop crying and you keep slapping him until he stop. "Not knowing that you've already did damages on his psychological aspects. He'll be remembering the scene for the rest of his life. What his cruel parent did to him.

Please dont forget, we are human too, as well as the children too. We're not training a pet here, we're educating a child here. So why not using some other positive and better alternatives?!! 67% of child abuse started from physical punishment! Statistics dont lie and the number might be more due to some cases were not report or brought up to attention.

What's law? Its to protect our rights? But seriously, I personally dont believe that laws can protect my rights and justice! Just look at Malaysia! Police with the "Tak-Nak Rasuah" badge asking for "minum kopi". Tell me, how is that suppose to protect us and our children? Life cant replay, you did something and you may be regret for the rest of your life. There're something that just cant be heal, a broken heart.It should not be hurt to be a child.

XOXO
"disable" Phebs

its Friday's night

2010-03-26T09:21:00.000-07:00
Its one of the friday's night, AGAIN, that I go out and drink, AGAIN. ==""

Its just so happen that every friday's night, I have dinners with friends and we ended up drinking.

Just came back from Laundry with angel, jacky and Ming.
As usual, Ordered Melon ball. I wanted to order something different, but every time ended up with melon ball, without failed. =="" Its not like the best but guess i'm just used to it?
Saw Fion and Venice, both in green. ==""

Thinks Ms Dill is Ms Diva! Mikey is "Mr-know-it-all"! Ms Sandy is "BFF"! Ms Ashy is B*tch! well, WHATEVER!

Gotta sleep like an hour a day from tomorrow onwards just to rush those stupid damn reports. Hello HELL!

Someone confronted me that i've changed a lot since the broke up. I dont know, maybe yes maybe not. Again, I'm telling you and everyone else, I'm not in depression or whatever! Suddenly i like drinking not because I'm looking some escape-from-reality or healing-broken-heart methods, its just so happen that I like drinking recently,okay?!

For you, maybe its a bad thing but I dont think what i did was bad. I know what i'm doing and i know my limits. You make me sounds like i'm a whore. So now everyone who drink is a prostitute? Seriously?!! I'm so over all these "OMG, Phoebe drinks!" and "I despites you cause you went clubbing" kind of looks! I know coz I heard you whispered to others! "Thank you" so much for promoting me!

First, I dont ALWAYS club. I've only went twice, just for experiences.

Second, What so wrong with drinking?!!
Couldnt you be open minded for a little bit? Says who, christian cant drink? says who, girls shouldnt drink? I'm just so over YOU!

Dont you ever look at me like that, again!

XOXO
Phebs

Good girl turn mean

2010-03-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

Super-successful parents expect nothing less from their offspring. And when it comes to college that means the Ivies. It's more than just getting into college, it's setting a course for the rest of your life. And those who aren't legacies are no exception. When parents have sacrificed for their children, what kid would want to let them down?

XOXO,
"Being a GOOD kid" Phebs